Everyone is in trouble

How to overcome your anger

Anger is part of life like joy and pain. Like all emotions, it has a biological sense. He shows ourselves and others that something is bothering us. And he prepares us for battle and argument.

Therefore, when we get angry, blood pressure and muscle tension rise. We breathe faster, many muscles are better supplied with blood. It's like the stress response: Hormones and nerves ensure that our body briefly revs up. The evolutionary sense: Anger is supposed to strengthen us if we want to protect ourselves from the behavior of others or if we encounter resistance to our own goals. And he makes us show that to the other too.

Like any feeling, anger is associated with an impulse to act. Shouting, threatening or attacking - that makes sense when you get angry. But nothing forces you to follow these impulses. It is up to you what to do. For example, to take a deep breath and take a quiet look at the situation.

It could all be over in an hour

Anger researchers like the Mainz psychology professor Dr. Thomas Kubiak have found that the hot phase of anger usually does not last longer than ten minutes. Normally, the physical changes during the anger are reduced after an hour at the latest. Unless you do what so many do: brooding, scolding, getting upset again and again. We use it to feed our anger over and over again. Experts say today: The best way to drive is to accept your anger, let it pass and then try to find a constructive solution to the problem.

Accept the anger

First and most important step: allow yourself to be angry. Once the anger is there, don't push it away. Because neither good thoughts nor relaxation techniques help immediately against the physical changes in anger at this moment.

Therefore, allow yourself to feel the anger without taking action. That helps to gain distance. After a while, your nerves will calm down, your hormones will be broken down and you will clear your head again.

Question yourself

Feelings are signals. Anger tells you that something is bothering you. Usually there is a need behind it, something that is important to you. What need is that? Once you find that out, you can be more relaxed about looking for ways to satisfy it.

How conversations succeed

If you want the other person to act differently, tell them. Preferably without threats, accusations or allegations. Explain to him what you would like to have different and why it is important to you. If you succeed in such factual feedback, you have a good chance that the other person will consider your wishes in the future and that your anger will even turn for the better. Because as a rule, our fellow human beings are not brushed for riot, but are quite willing to compromise and maintain good relationships.

To distract oneself

If there is nothing you can or want to do to change the causes of your anger, distraction is not a bad idea either. Dedicate yourself fully to another activity, such as exercising, gardening, playing, or something else. This helps you to be in a good mood again quickly, and your blood pressure also drops. However, if you keep railing against your boss while jogging, you won't benefit from it. He has to be able to run with all of his senses.

Is it worth the effort?

Is the situation really worth getting upset about? If not, let your anger pass and forget about it.

You can support this by asking yourself: How will I think about this situation for a month? Or in a year? Then a lot of what is upsetting you at the moment is put into perspective.

Laugh about it

Happy are those who are able to see the comical side of the situation. Humor is not only very effective in dealing with anger, it also brings the good mood back quickly.

Better not: constantly subordinate yourself

The wiser gives in, they say. This can be useful from time to time. However, if you keep giving in and not even trying to assert your desires, you will usually not be happy with it. Your anger remains and is otherwise noticeable.

Acting out anger unrestrainedly is not a good idea either. From psychological research we know: If you constantly vent your anger in an uncontrolled manner, you don't break it down, but get stuck at a high level of anger. So it's better to take a deep breath first, endure the feeling and give yourself the opportunity to cool off again.