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30 best beer jokes

There are already many portals with funny beer jokes out there, but we have put them together for you in 30 best beer jokes, the most beautiful jokes.

Yes, not many can tell jokes and who does not know that when you are sitting in such an illustrious group and at some point the conversation gets to a point where a joke could fit perfectly. Or you sit in the pub, it's funny right now and the mood can take a joke. At this moment you can score with these beer jokes and should have at least 2-3 in your luggage. Have fun reading and laughing!

Father son
Father buys a lie detector that always makes a noise when you lie. The son comes home. Asks the father “And were you at school today” son: “yes” detector: “mieeeep” son: “OK, I was in the cinema” detector: “mieeeep” son: “okayy, was drinking beer with friends” father: “You have waaaas, at your age we never drank” detector: “mieeeep” mother: “well, your son is' ne” detector: “mieeeeeeep”
"Knock, knock" "Who's there?" - "The love of your life." "Don't lie, beer can't speak."

The little man
A sad little man is sitting in the pub with a beer in front of him. If a real guy comes along, hits the kid on the shoulder and drinks his beer. The kid starts to cry. The big one: "Well, you don't feel like that, you mummy wimp! Screaming about a beer! ”The little one:“ Well, then watch out. This morning my wife left me, cleared my account, the house was empty. After that I lost my job! I didn't want to live anymore. I lay down on the track ... diversion! Wanted to hang myself ... The rope broke! Wanted to shoot me ... Revolver stuck! And now I'll buy a beer with the last of my money, add poison and you will drink it away! "

Alcohol-free beer
A non-alcoholic beer is like a bra on the clothesline: the best is out

Wheelchair users
I wanted to give away a crate of beer to a couple of wheelchair users, but the slogan drinking instead of walking was not so well received.

Gone stupid
What do a burnt pizza, frozen beer, and a pregnant woman have in common? - Some stupid took it out too late.

Construction workers and beer
Construction worker Huber falls from the scaffolding and hits it so unhappily that he is instantly dead. Now the boss has to find a volunteer to deliver the sad news to Huber's wife. Luigi answers: “No problem, I'll do it.” He walks off and his colleagues ask themselves if it was such a good idea. After a while Luigi comes back, grinning all over his face and with a case of beer on his shoulder. The boss asks: “Luigi, how did Ms. Huber take it? Why are you grinning like that, and where did you get the case of beer? "Luigi replies:" I rang the bell and asked: Hello, are you the widow Huber? Then she said: Huber is correct, but not a widow. I asked: do we bet a case of beer? "
There are female hormones in beer! How do you know? If I drink more than one, I can no longer drive a car and talk stupid things!

Blondes joke
Why does a blonde have a beer on the roof? Answer: Because the guy from the bar said the beer was on the house.

Two friends
Two friends are talking over beer. "How did the argument with your wife end yesterday?" "Ha, she came crawling on her knees!" "And what did she say?" "You can't hide under the table forever!"
Marcel, Jassin and Bernd meet at a lake. There they meet a fairy who says: This is a wish, if you jump in, you can make a wish. “OK, Yassin said I'll start. Jassin starts up, jumps, wishes “COLA, hops in and swims in the cola. Marcel wants next. He runs, jumps and wants a beer. He jumps in and swims in the beer. Last is Bernd's turn. Bernd runs up, slips, says shit and hops in.

Fritzchen is sitting in the bathtub. "Mama, Mama", he calls, "where's the washcloth?" Answer from the kitchen: "Get some beer!"

Bad joke
What is Better Parkinson's or Alzheimer's? Alzheimer. Better to forget a beer instead of spilling a beer.

The Egyptians invented beer. They also built these huge beer cellars, the Bieramiden. The man who drinks the most beer in the village is the beer master. Anyone who pays for their beer in cash is a barber. And whoever pays his beer in installments is a beer councilor.

Church joke
Today I went to church with a friend. Suddenly he lights a cigarette. I could not believe it! He just smokes a cigarette in church! My beer almost fell out of my hand in shock!

Mr. Meier
Doctor: "Well, Mr. Meier, you are already drunk again, didn't I tell you only one bottle of beer a day?" Meier: "Yes, you actually believe you are the only doctor I go to!"

Too late
A man comes home at two in the morning. Woman: "I told you that you can have two beers and come home at ten o'clock." Man: “Oh! I confused the two numbers. "

Beer styles
A man from Düsseldorf, Cologne and Munich are sitting in the pub. People from Düsseldorf order an Altbier, people from Cologne order a Kölsch and people from Munich order a Coke. The other two look at him stupidly and ask why he has now ordered a Coke. The man from Munich replies: "If you don't drink beer, then I won't drink either."

Woman joke
Why is a beer better than a woman? A beer tastes good all month

The good fairy
A man meets a fairy. The fairy speaks to him: “Today is a lucky day! You have two wishes! ”Then the man:“ I would like a bottle of beer that will never run out! ” He promptly has a bottle of beer in his hand and drinks from the bottle for minutes. After he stops drinking, the bottle is still full. Asks the fairy: "And your second wish?" "Another bottle like that!"

An elderly husband finds 3 bottles of beer and € 1200 in cash in the bed box. When he asks his wife, she explains to him: “My darling, after so many years of marriage I can tell you. Every time you cheated on, I drank a bottle of beer. "
“Ok”, thinks the husband, “3 times in 40 years of marriage, that's still possible.” "But honey, what's up with the 1200 €?"
Then the woman: "This is deposit money."

Carpet and beer
One carpet dealer claims he can blindfold any carpet. The others don't believe him and promise him a beer for every carpet that is properly felt. In short, he guessed all the carpets. The next morning he wakes up with a huge headache. His wife doesn't pay any attention to him. "Are you angry, honey, because I was so drunk yesterday?" "Angry?" she snaps back, "Bad because you were drunk? No! Bad because you didn't vomit my room either! I'm angry with you because you grabbed between my legs and mumbled: ‘Mmmmh, old coconut mat."

Is a pils alone in the forest. A rabbit comes and drinks it up.

Windows 95 can do everything because of the 32 bit. When I've drank 32 bits, I always think I could do anything.

Two Irish people, John and Sean, want to have a drink on Saturday night. When they check their finances, they find that together they still have 50 cents. Not enough for a wet and happy evening. Suddenly John has an idea: He goes to a butcher's shop with the 50 cents and buys a sausage. Sean is about to have him declared totally stupid when he says, “Let's go to a pub together. We order two pints. We drink up. Then you get on your knees in front of me, open my fly and pull out the sausage I have in my pocket and put it in my mouth. You will see what happens. " The two go to the pub, drink two pints, Sean gets on his knees in front of the other and starts to put the sausage in his mouth and suck it. The landlord sees this and is totally angry: “Get out of my pub! I do not tolerate such messes in my shop. Out! Immediately! " The two go out. John says, “And? Did we pay? Nothing! ”Into the next pub, 2 pints, drink up, bockwurst number, immediate kicking out. Again nothing paid. After twelve more pubs, Sean John slurps: “I can't go on. First, I'm totally drunk, and then my knees hurt. You can't imagine how my damn knees hurt. "John replies," You and your fucking knees. What should I say? I lost the fucking sausage after the sixth pub! "

A couple out shopping
The man grabs a crate of beer and says: "Offer, only 10 euros."
The woman protests loudly and forbids it.
Soon the woman finds a face cream and says: "Offer, only 20 euros and you will find me pretty."
The man replied: "The beer would have done the same for half the price."

Penis joke
Two good friends are chatting over a glass of beer. One of them says: "You, I had a 500 euro note tattooed on my penis last week."
"Are you crazy? Why is that? ”Asks the friend.
"You know, there are 3 reasons for that. First, I like to keep my money in hand; secondly, I like to see my assets grow and thirdly, my wife likes to blow 500 €! "

The pope
A drunk man, smelly of beer, sits down in the subway, right next to a priest. The drunk with an open shirt, a loosely hanging tie, a torn jacket and traces of red lipstick all over his face, not to mention a half-empty gin bottle that falls out of his jacket pocket and a condom that hangs from his breast pocket, opens a newspaper and reads.
After a few minutes he asks the pastor, "Tell me, father, what do you get arthritis from?" The pastor: "Well, my son, you get it from the dissolute life, from hanging around with cheap, shameless women, especially from alcohol, also from sex with prostitutes, and from poor personal hygiene!"
The drunk: "Damn it, what a mess!"
The pastor suddenly thinks that he may have been a little tough and asks in a conciliatory tone: "How long have you had arthritis, my son?"
The drunk: "I don't have that, but it says in the newspaper that the Pope has arthritis, the old piglet!"

Vampire joke
Three vampires meet in a bar. One is from Germany, one from Russia and one from England.
The German vampire orders a beer with a dash of blood and the Russian a vodka with a dash of blood. Both get what they want. Then the Englishman orders hot water.
The other two look at each other in astonishment and ask him why he doesn't drink blood. He takes a used tampon out of his pocket and says: "It's teatime!"