What's wrong with just loving everyone

Those who need to be loved rarely find what they are looking for

Last update: 02 February, 2018

Few sources of suffering are as inexhaustible as loving out of need and want and always obsessively hoping to get something back, even if it's only leftovers ... Those who want to be loved above all or would sacrifice everything for it are also those who will always be satisfied with less than they deserve. They are the ones who need love but seek affection in the wrong places.

It's the same old story, we know Perhaps it has already happened to us, we have overcome this situation and left the need behind us, but it is clear that few phrases are heard as often as this in everyday life. Be it at dinner with friends, consulting a psychologist or on the subway at eight in the morning: "... but I just want to be loved!"

"It would be best if each of us cultivated our own garden and decorated our own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring us flowers."

Jorge Luis Borges

One can say that it is of little use to us to be with this person "You can always have someone who loves you: that person is yourself." to answer. It won't work because people like her don't know how to love themselves. When the emptiness is so great and the need so urgent, blind and desperate that they only believe that they need love to survive.

Because the lack they feel outweighs the affection and patience given to sit down with that person and reflect, to speak to them and convince them that nothing else makes sense than love for yourself.

We can say without a doubt that it is is one of our biggest open accounts in psychological and sensitive termsTo get people, especially teenagers, but also many adults, not to see love as a necessity. "I love you because I need you", has its origin in fear and this is neither fair nor healthy. Because good love is the expression of freedom, personal fulfillment and well-being.

We all want to be loved, needing love limits our freedom

We all know the theory, but in our everyday life we ​​are mostly distracted. We all know that the need to be loved limits our personal growththat it makes us prisoners of the wrong people - those we hold onto and hope to be our salvation, who could make sense of any empty space in our hearts and minds.

We know the theory, we've read it in books, our friends remind us that we are not on the right track, that the most important thing is to love yourself ... and yet, here we are, relapse and recreate our scars even bigger wounds.

But why do these behaviors often become chronic? Why are there still people who want to satisfy the need to be loved at any cost, even if it costs them their dignity? These are some of the reasons:

  • Those who obsessively want to be loved generally have no reference model to rely on. It is common for the family dynamic these individuals grow up in to be based on an incorrect attachment style. They were brought up with an image of love that is far from conveying strength and self-esteem - this led to the first shortcomings.
  • People who need more love are satisfied with less. As a result, they accept everything they get without evaluating it, without putting a filter on it. You lock in on the power of this relationship like a square piece of a puzzle that fits into any triangular hole. You would do almost anything to be worthy of that affection, attention, and consideration. However, if they fail to do this, their emptiness will grow larger and the need to be loved will only increase.
  • They live in constant contradiction. This fact is undoubtedly very noticeable and at the same time destructive to the sufferer. As we've shown earlier, we all know that the compulsive and constant need to be loved and recognized is not healthy. However, there are people who cannot prevent this feeling, those with a broken heart who seek their dignity in a new relationship of the same size, shape, and color because the feeling of needing outside love is the only thing they have know. You cannot feed on love from within.

It is essential to stop begging for love at all costs

Each of us has needs or longing desires: a good job, a bigger house, or just a little more happiness in life. Nonetheless, these are light, empty, and anecdotal needs that, in rare cases, create addiction or gain depth. We are aware that our everyday life would be a little better if we could fulfill certain wishes, but these are not our primary goal: We understand them more as wishes than needs.

In this regard, it is a good idea to correct certain terms and live with more integrity about them. Instead of needing to be loved, we want to be loved. Let's formulate other verbs and goals. Let's also change the obsession with finding love by letting love find us.

Be it fate, chance or just life itself that brings us closer to that special person while we don't stop taking care of our own inner garden. To seek or find a certain pleasure in this solitude, without clinging to an unrealistic ideal, without seeing an empty bowl in front of us waiting to be filled with what others are offering us.

So let's take care of our own love by feeding it gestures of appreciation and affection. Those who, when we are protected, prevent us from being mistreated or mistreating ourselves, prevent us from giving up our dignity in order to feel loved.

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