How not to be desperate

Despair: how to find a way out

There is no going back and forth, the thoughts are only negative and wherever you look you seem to be surrounded by worries and problems. Despair can determine the whole of life and cause a paralysis in which you simply no longer know what to do. Every now and then everyone feels a little desperation, crises and difficult phases are part of life and have to be overcome. In deep despair, however, exactly that seems impossible. We show what despair actually means, how it can arise and what you can do to help it Way out of your despair to find and draw new hope instead of just seeing the negative around you ...

➠ Content: This is what awaits you

What is despair?

You have probably already thought: I'm so desperate I just don't know what to do ... The term desperation is actually used fairly widely, but in most cases it is a huge exaggeration. True despair goes well beyond a few worries and problems that you are dealing with and that are floating around in your mind.

Rather, despair denotes one State of absolute hopelessness. This is then combined with fear of the future and further developments. For example, the French philosopher René Descartes summed it up very aptly and concisely when he said:

In situations of such hopelessness, those affected literally cling to each other to every straw, every little possibility that promises a tiny spark of hope to find the solution that has actually not been believed in for a long time. This can go so far that seemingly completely absurd ideas are implemented which, viewed from the outside, are doomed to failure from the start.

For the desperate, however, they are that last tryto stand up again and to steer the fate, with which there is so much strife, in a different direction. So there are always stories of the courage of the desperate and desperate.

In the past it was rulers and warriors who did not chance of success went into battle against overwhelming odds when you saw no more hope. In today's times it is people who turn your entire life upside down, leave everything behind and start all over again when there is no hope that the old life will make you happy.

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Despair arises in different ways

Despair can arise from one day to the next, if one concrete event shakes your own life. An accident with long-term consequences, an illness, a death or other drastic events can lead to great despair. Such triggers can not only change one's whole life in one fell swoop, but also have a major impact on a person's psyche.

Optimistic and cheerful beforehand, this attitude is put to the test. On the other hand, desperation can also be slowly emerge and keep building up. At first a little grief and a few doubts, it gets worse and worse over time. Worries grow, the situation remains bad, and the experience that nothing gets better becomes a state of perpetual hopelessness.

Deeply felt despair usually arises from one negative attitude out. Crises cannot be discussed away, setbacks and difficult situations will also occur in the future. Whether this results in despair depends on your perspective. The lack of hope always reflects self-doubt and a lack of self-belief and can be due to a lack of self-confidence.

See despair as an opportunity

Hopelessness and fear continue to lead into a downward spiral. Anyone who can no longer see a way or a solution to their problems retreats further and further into themselves, just tries to endure the situation and thus steers straight towards one severe depression down. Others try to escape the situation somehow, wanting to distance themselves from their own hopelessness. This can lead to contacts being broken off and social isolation being sought - in particularly bad cases, however, despair can also lead to thoughts of suicide, because those affected no longer know what to do.

It is easy for outsiders to give good advice. These may be well-intentioned, but implementation doesn't make it any easier. What you need to break out of the negative trend of desperation is one new mentalitythat will help you take the focus off problems and worries and instead see opportunities and possibilities.

Take your despair as the occasion To question the status quoTo critically rethink your situation and initiate the necessary changes resulting from this analysis. That you are desperate shows that it cannot go on like this. Do not stand still and remain in this state, but take the necessary steps from the beginning to overcome your despair.

Despair: what to do

A way out of deep despair is never easy. You will work hard, overcome yourself, going through some difficult times where you feel like the despair just doesn't end. Do not let this discourage you, for as hopeless as the situation may seem, there are always ways to overcome despair.

You have to go this route alone, we have some tips collected that can help you find a way out of desperation:

  • Work on your confidence

    Being confident may not completely prevent despair, but it will help you find your way back and free yourself from hopelessness. Find the belief that it is up to you to make the best of every situation and not let the greatest difficulties get you down.

    Start with small things to slowly build greater self-esteem. Set yourself small goals that you can achieve within a short period of time, devote yourself to things that you are good at and realize that you can have a great influence on the process with your actions and decisions. The more you do for your self-esteem, the better you can overcome despair.

  • Accept the despair

    A big mistake that is unfortunately often made is the rejection and denial of one's own despair. We ignore them, convince ourselves that everything is fine and in the end we are doing ourselves no favors. Instead, admit to yourself that you are desperate and stuck, accept and allow the feelings associated with it.

    Maybe that means tears, a tantrum, days when you can barely pull yourself up and have no energy. There is no point in suppressing these emotions. In order to leave your despair behind you, you really have to process it - even if it is difficult to face all the negative feelings.

  • Try to broaden your gaze

    Despair and hopelessness spread quickly. However, the situation is often not as hopeless as it seems to you. Only your perception is clouded and you only see problems, hurdles, walls and stop signs. On the other hand, possible opportunities, ideas and approaches are hidden.

    If you manage to break out of this area of ​​restricted attention, your despair will also subside. It helps you to recognize that it is not hopeless after all, but that there are definitely ways and means available to change the situation for the better.

  • Find help

    Don't hide in your desperation or give in to the urge to withdraw. Especially in the particularly difficult times in life, it is our fellow human beings who promise support and are able to return confidence. Talk to your friends, stay open and communicate honestly about your desperate situation. This not only gives you the good feeling of support and encouragement, but can also provide new solutions and perspectives that you have not yet thought of.

    Finally, it can also be useful and appropriate to seek help from an expert. The line between despair and serious depression is thin. If you can't find the way out of desperation on your own, this is where you should get the help you need on your way back.

Despair: sayings and quotes

  • Despair inevitably afflicts those whose souls are out of balance.Marc Aurel
  • You desperate ones! How much courage you give those who watch you!Friedrich Nietzsche
  • Despair is the only way out of the hopelessness.Erhard Blanck
  • When hopelessness threatens to overwhelm us, we have to make an extra effort.Dalai Lama
  • Do not despair, even by the fact that you do not despair ..Franz Kafka
  • One should never despair too soon.Frederick II
  • Despair has often won battles.Voltaire
  • Despair also has its ecstasy.Victor Hugo
  • Despair is the greatest of our errors.Luc de Clapiers, Marquis de Vauvenargues
  • Despair makes up not only the measure of our unhappiness, but also that of our weakness.Luc de Clapiers, Marquis de Vauvenargues
  • In desperation, courage only comes afterwards.Fred Ammon
  • Despair is the fool's conclusion.Benjamin Disraeli

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January 17, 2021Author: Jochen Mai

Jochen Mai is the founder and editor-in-chief of the career bible. The author of several books lectures at the TH Köln and is a sought-after keynote speaker, coach and consultant.

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